


The Pen Is A Metaphor For His-

by satbiym



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Alice in Wonderland Fusion, Based on the History Makers Music Video, Cheshire Cat Yuri Plisetsky, Ice Adolescence (Yuri!!! on Ice), M/M, Mad Hatter Christophe Giacometti, My Prediction for, Victor Discovering his Love and Life, White Rabbit Katsuki Yuuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 22:46:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18019901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satbiym/pseuds/satbiym
Summary: "Why is a raven like a writing-desk?"When a rabbit-person (?) steals his pen, Victor embarks on a journey to discover life and love, and what it means to beVictoraway from the shadows cast by Victor Nikiforov.AKA: Victor in Wonderland.





	The Pen Is A Metaphor For His-

**Author's Note:**

  * For [opemjamjar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/opemjamjar/gifts), [victuurikatsu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/victuurikatsu/gifts).



> Hey guys!!
> 
> This was inspired by the music video for [History Maker](https://youtu.be/nnEOS5kupuc) which… bless. This piece is also loosely based on Alice in Wonderland, but when I say loosely, I do mean _loosely_.
> 
> I wanted to explore what the Ice Adolescence movie was going to be about before it came out, so I could look back at this fic and laugh at my underestimating the talents of the YOI team.
> 
> This fic is about Victor and his journey, both professionally and personally and how the two are irrevocably linked. This is my love letter to that journey. I hope I did him justice.  
> I was going to name this fic a very sedate and serious “Victor in Wonderland” but then I thought, why deviate from my brand? And thus “The pen is a metaphor for his-” was born! 
> 
> Thank you to everyone from the WeWriteVictuuri server, you are all amazing and brilliant. Opem and Jenny you both are marvelous and the world doesn’t deserve you two, but thank god we have you anyway. Thank you so much Basia for the inspiration that lead to this fic!!
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it (Which was _a lot_ ). 
> 
> Happy Reading!

_ "Why is a raven like a writing-desk?" _

_ "Why, a raven eats worms; a writing desk is worm-eaten." _

* * *

Victor gripped his pen tighter as the wind rustled the pages of the book he was writing his latest routine in, the gray, darling buds of May beside him shaking, sending their scent wafting towards him.

But no matter how hard the wind rustled, no matter how sweet the flowers smelt, the page in front of him was still blurry, writing unclear and unrecognizable.

What was he trying to write? What had he written on it before? Had  _ he  _ been the one to write it?

Victor blinked, trying to dispel the spots of white that were starting to cover his vision.

Laying the pen on top of the page he couldn’t remember writing on, Victor closed his eyes, putting the book on the ground beside him.

What was he  _ doing _ ? 

He couldn’t remember.

Never mind that, he knew he had to keep going, even if his bones were weighing his body more than usual, the audience had to be appeased. The show had to go on. Victor reached for his book and pen, only for his hands to meet with air.

Opening his eyes and blinking away the blurriness, he zeroed in to the person… no, that wasn’t right, people didn’t have  _ tails _ . At least, not that Victor could remember.

But then again, he could be wrong.

But tail or not, the matter at hand was the pen in the tailed being’s hand, visible even with his back turned to Victor.

“Excuse me, could I please have my pen back?” Victor asked, doing his best to mind his manners, it was always good to be careful when talking to people with tails, Victor reminded himself trying not to remember the shots he once had to get because of being bitten by a monkey.

The short, black tail flickered at Victor’s voice, the ears - soft and fuzzy, much like a rabbit’s - atop the being’s head moving in clear response. Victor smiled, surely that meant he was going to get his pen back.

The pen was an old and beloved possession, he couldn’t possibly do without it. It was the only clear, constant thing in this world, with its gray flowers and blurry notebooks.

He wanted it back.

Victor reached out, but before he could, the rabbit-person danced away, taking with him Victor’s pen.

No!

He needed it back, it was the only thing he had! Please-

Victor ran after him.

But-

No matter how fast he ran, the rabbit-person managed to keep  _ just  _ out of reach, enough that Victor was left stumbling after his back, forever chasing, never meeting.

The wind blew harder, the gray flowers blurring into white, until all Victor could feel was the whipping of the wind and the feeling of loss and  _ please, no, come back. _

The rabbit-person pirouetted to a nearby tree and-

“No!” Victor cried out, as the rabbit-person, back still turned towards Victor, jumped into the large rabbit-hole in the tree. Without stopping to think or reconsider -  _ he needed it back -  _ Victor followed.

He fell, for minutes, hours, days, years. He fell until he could feel time stop and himself stand still with motion. But Victor cared naught, for as he fell, he could- he could  _ see. _

Bright, multi-coloured lights decorated the tunnel, so bright Victor felt like he was born anew. The world - no longer blurry and gray - was starting to show itself to him!

Finally, finally, Victor rolled to a stop, landing on his behind as the tunnel gave way to a room that was much too big, like it was made for ice giants of stories past. 

The floor was ice, Victor realized with awe. He knew this meant something to him, something to the twisty-crawly feeling buried in his chest.

What did this ice mean to him? Why did its clear sheen send a shiver of anticipation through him?

But, never mind that, where was that rabbit-person? And his pen?!

Victor’s eyes fell upon the only door in the room, located six feet off of the floor; it was open, one lone piece of black fuzz lying on the ground beside it.

Narrowing his eyes, Victor ran to the door, only to discover that it was much too high for him to reach. He jumped, he ran and then jumped, he jumped and then ran and jumped, for good measure. 

But to no avail. He fell every time.

The door was too high and the ice too slippery.

If Victor was just an inch taller then it would’ve been possible. But...

Victor felt his soul hollow out.

That pen. He needed it back.

It was all he had. It was old and tired but true.

Gold glinted at the corner of his eye. He turned to look at the corner of the room where the glint had come from, and there they lay, like a side thought, but clear and crisp.

Victor, for the first time all day, smiled, and reached forward.

Putting on the too-familiar gold-bladed ice skates, Victor  _ flew. _

The jump ( _ what was it called? He knew this once, why couldn’t he remember anymore? _ ) had enough lift to send him through the open door and crumpling through into a whole new world.

Victor gasped as he looked around, if he had thought the lights from the tunnel were pretty…

The land around him was filled with color. The flowers were too big, too bright, too consuming, the roads tinged yellow and pink. The air was green and the sky purple.

Victor hadn’t known so many colours even  _ existed _ .

Victor felt his heart thump, and he could have stood there forever, if not for the glimpse of black fur out of the corner of his eye.

His pen!

“Stop!” Victor shouted, but his voice was garbled, like he was underwater, it wasn’t carrying through to the rabbit-person! He needed to try harder.

Victor forced his feet to push harder against the ice, but the rabbit-person danced out of his grasp every time. 

“Please! I just need my pen!” Victor tried again, but the rabbit, back still turned, just danced faster away, until Victor could no longer see him.

“ _ Please,”  _ Victor cried out softly, hands on his knees, “It will all be okay if I can just get my pen.”

But the rabbit-person was nowhere to be found.

Victor felt like the pit in his gut had just gotten deeper and hollower, like someone had decided to take a shovel to it. He didn’t know what to-

“Lost?” A voice called out.

Victor looked up, only to see a floating cheshire cat grin back at him.

Still huffing from the futile chase and  _ well, this might as well happen,  _ Victor said, “Do you know where that rabbit-person has gone?”

The grin, if it was possible, only got wider, as the purple and green cat, lithe and limber, twisted itself around Victor, cutting off his air until he was clawing the soft fur for some relief.

“Oops, my mistake.” The cat drawled out, a tongue licking its fangs languidly, “I sometimes forget that you pesky humans have  _ such  _ mortal needs.”

Annoyed, Victor glared, breathing heavily.

“But...” The cat said smugly, “I could know where Katsudon has gone, but then again, I could not.”

Confused, Victor said, “I want to know where the rabbit-person with my pen has gone! I don’t care about this Kastudon person!”

Those slitted eyes sharpened as they eyed him, very much like a predator would, as if trying to see if he was worth devouring.

“Old Man! Katsudon  _ is _ the one with your pen! Is losing your hair making you lose your few remaining brain cells as well?” The cat said derisively. 

Ignoring the insult and the urge to touch his hair ( _ oh _ , he had hair), Victor said eagerly, “Where did he go, then? Tell me!”

The cat twirled in the air, graceful and sleek, and threw out, laughing  “It doesn’t count if  _ I  _ tell you, you need to figure it out for yourself, Old Man.”

And then he disappeared, laughter still ringing in Victor’s ears.

“Wait! I will give you anything you want, please come back!” Victor cried out, knowing somehow that the cat was still there, listening, waiting for just the  right offer,“I will give you anything, please!”

Maybe it was the desperation, maybe it was the fact that cats liked to play with their food, but whatever it was, it worked.

The grin appeared first, and the fanged mouth spoke, childlike and sly, “Fine, if you want your pen back so much, give me those skates of yours. I am quite partial to gold, you know. Give me and I’ll tell you where he went.”

Victor felt his heart fall, those skates… they were… they had brought him to this bright and beautiful world, would giving them to this newcomer mean trading all this in as well? Without the skates, what was he? 

And these gold-bladed skates… they were important to him, he couldn’t remember why, but they were the only spot of color in that gray, iced room and Victor-

“It’s your pen or those skates, Old Man, choose wisely…” The cat said lazily.

Victor unlaced his skates.

At that, the cat laughed, loud and delighted, and flew down to whisper a secret in Victor’s ears.

Victor closed his eyes. 

He should have known.

Where else would someone with a pen go but a writing desk?

Where else would a dancer go but where there is music?

So, Victor left, sliding carefully with bare-feet on the slippery ice, and moved towards where the music, that he could suddenly hear once he was looking for it, was coming from.

The laughter was bright and loud, somehow louder than the music itself, with bright flashes interrupting the air every few seconds from a nearby camera. Victor flinched as the flashes hurt his eyes.

“Ah, there you are, Victor, we have been waiting for you.” A voice said, clear over the light and music and laughter.

Victor opened his eyes and saw a man with green eyes, wearing a tall, vibrant (why was everything in this world so  _ bright _ ?) hat smiling at him. The rest of the people at the table, a sleeping mouse and…

“You!” Victor pointed accusingly at the rabbit-person who was twirling a little way away from the table.

“I have been looking everywhere for you! You have my pen and I’d like it back now.” Victor said desperately.

The rabbit-person slowed his turning, until the last turn was just him facing away from Victor. Thinking. Deciding. 

“ _ Please. _ ” Victor said.

The rabbit’s ears twitched, and he slowly turned to face Victor for the first time in their acquaintance.

Victor felt his breath rush out of his body. That delicate face, those brown eyes, those plush lips, he… he knew them!

_ But how? Where? _

Victor felt like crying.

The rabbit-person cocked his head and extending a (pen-less) hand, smiled.

Victor felt his heart thump in his chest, he didn’t- he wanted to take that hand, but…

“I don’t know how to dance.” He admitted, sad and alone and full of regrets.

Before the rabbit-person had danced into his life, Victor’s world had been gray and for a while, Victor thought that was all there was. But now… he has seen that the world was full of beauty and magic and music and  _ life and love,  _ and suddenly, sitting in a corner with a pen was not enough anymore. But the fact still remained,  _ he didn’t know how to dance.  _

The smile somehow got gentler, and the rabbit-person let his fingers twirl towards him enticingly, as if-

“I don’t think he minds you not knowing to dance, Victor.” The Hatter said from beside him. Victor flinched at the sudden appearance.

“Plus,” The Hatter continued, as if amused, “I doubt he’ll give you your pen back if you refuse him this dance. He  _ has _ been waiting a long time for it, you know.”

Victor looked at the soft smile of the rabbit-person and the sweet swell of the music that was building up to a crescendo. A crescendo Victor knew he couldn’t possibly be a part of.

“He can keep the pen.” Victor said, soft and calm, “It only existed for people to dance to, and I cannot dance. It’s better; less selfish for him to have it.”

The rabbit-person’s beautiful eyes widened, hand trembling, still held aloft.

_ Come dance with me. _

Victor turned, ready to leave this place with all its beauty and wonder and  _ color _ , and return to his old life of wind and gray flowers. But a hand slipped into his own, handing him something rough, before retreating.

Victor looked down and his eyes widened.

Ice skates! No longer gold-plated, but still weathered and loved and  _ his.  _

Victor turned back, to see a hand still outstretched, waiting for him to meet him halfway.

The crescendo was coming, Victor could feel it. 

Victor put on the skates and took the rabb-  _ Yuuri’s  _ hand.

Turned out Victor did know how to dance, at least where Yuuri was concerned.

And when the crescendo came, instead of the overwhelming swell, the music  _ dipped,  _ no less beautiful or victorious, but like the feeling of heroes coming home after a long time away.

Victor smiled.

That sounded right.

The point of the music, after all, wasn’t the crescendo, but what remained afterwards. 

And, as the music came to a close, with Yuuri smiling brighter than all the lights in the sky, still hand-in-hand with him, the laughter of the Hatter and his friends behind him, Victor felt…  _ complete _ .

The music had stopped, but the lights, the Hatter and Yuuri were still there.

Yuuri smiled and leaned in close, until their foreheads touched, and tapped Victor’s lips with his pen, winking impishly.

Victor laughed and laughed and laughed.

Victor woke up with a gasp, his and Yuuri’s laughter still ringing in his ears. Heart pounding, he turned to see an empty bed.

“Yuuri?” Victor called out, trying to keep the panic abay,  _ he had just managed to catch him! _

A patter of feet until the door opened to reveal a smiling Yuuri, bright and beautiful and  _ his,  _ and in his hands was a-

“Happy thirtieth birthday, Vitya,” Yuuri said, “How are you feeling today?”

_ Oh.  _

Victor smiled, slow and true, and looked at his life and love and said,“Pretty damn good, actually.”

* * *

_  
"Why is a raven like a writing-desk?" _

_ "I have written on both." _

**Author's Note:**

>  **After:**  
>  **Yuuri:** Vitya, what were you dreaming about anyway, you kept mumbling something about giving back your pen????  
>  **Victor, winking:** You can keep the pen  
>  **Yuuri:** Thanks?????????????????? But, we’re married????? We share a bank account???? And all our possessions, which include many pens????
> 
> If you liked the above, please be sure to let me know by kudos-ing or commenting below!!
> 
> I look forward to engaging with you!
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://satbiym.tumblr.com), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/satbiym),[Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/satbiym) or even Discord if you're so inclined!
> 
> See you next time!


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